This past weekend I ran the Kiawah Half Marathon.
And Dan wasn’t happy about it. At all.
I had bought the bib months ago but then decided not to race it just a few weeks ago (I felt my body needed extra time to recover). I asked my friend Ashton if she wanted it and she excitedly said yes.
As the race grew closer, my excitement increased and my body felt recovered from the trail race. So, since I had already offered to go with her to the race, I offered to pace her to a PR.
If I was going to be there, I might as well run.
To be honest, I didn’t think at all before suggesting it and I just assumed everyone would be okay with it.
Fast forward to this past Friday. We had a great dinner out with friends and as Dan and I got into the car to drive home I mentioned I needed to get to bed since I had a 4:30am wake up call.
That’s when he spilled his frustrations out, and I suddenly became aware that my running affected more people than just me. It affected Dan and our marriage.
He made very valid points…
- Reminding me that I had just announced that I would not run the race because I needed to recover fully before kicking off training for our January trail race.
- He also reminded me that Saturday mornings are one of the few mornings we have the opportunity to sleep in together and enjoy one another’s company without feeling rushed to get out the door. Yet, running takes that away because I’m always up before the sun.
- Then there was the point that my running plans affect our social life. An early race means not going out Friday evenings. Or it means getting home early Saturday night because I’m tired. And the same goes for my long runs on Saturdays. It doesn’t matter if it’s a training run or a race, I’m up early and not into doing anything.
Basically, MY running was/is having too much of an affect not just on my life, but OUR life. I’ve chosen running over my husband more times than I can count, and I didn’t even realize it.
To be honest, one of the reasons I run so early is so that I can get home sooner and not have it affect our day. I didn’t realize just how much our morning time meant.
Did I feel crappy after this chit-chat? You better believe it.
I contemplated canceling on Ashton so that I could have some QT with Dan in the morning, and so I could stay up and enjoy one more glass of wine.
But I didn’t.
I had already committed and to be honest, I was really excited to run the course uninjured. <— I got off the course before crossing the finish line.
Compromising Fitness For A Happy Marriage
I miss my blonde… It’s coming back Thursday! (FYI)
But I did agree to some important compromises. Because really… marriage is about compromise. Even when it has to do with being fit and healthy.
You see, Dan is really great at asking me about our schedule and if it’s okay to do this or that. I’m not.
I don’t ask him if it’s okay for me to run at 5:30 in the morning, I just do it.
I don’t think to ask, “Hey babe, we’ve had a crazy, hectic week and haven’t seen much of each other. Would you prefer me to sleep in and run later?”
So, that’s one compromise. To be more flexible with my schedule and what works best for BOTH OF US.
No more early morning runs until after the New Year. The next few weeks are set to accomplish big work goals, hit up the kettlebells, and have quality time with my husband. We all need to make more of an effort to be more focused on one another’s needs. So, we’re doing just that.
Keep my promises. If I say I’m not going to run, there is likely a good reason. Follow through and don’t let my race drive pull me in.
Let’s run together! Now that we are into our “Year Of Racing” we want to start running together. Clearly, that will help the bigger issues. Running with Dan helps to remind me that you don’t have to run when everyone else is sleeping and that it’s fun to to have a training buddy.
Two is better than one. Cheesy, but true.
I Won’t Change, But I’ll Tweak
This is what I told Dan:
I love to run, it’s my thing. I can’t help that and it’s definitely not going to change. But I am willing to tweak how I do it in order to make us a happier, stronger couple.
It’s funny how much of what we do affects our spouse. It wasn’t that Dan didn’t want me to run Kiawah, it was that he was worried about me since he knew how much I was just craving rest and recovery. It was out of love.
Marriage is hard, that’s not a secret.
You’re no longer allowed to be all about “me,me,me,me”. It has to turn into “me, you, us, me, me, you, us” for success.
And that is the hardest part to keep in mind.
We all want to be selfish. And it’s 100% okay to be selfish from time to time. But not all the time. As as far as running or fitness in general goes, I was being selfish 110% of the time.
PS – Ashton had a huge PR of over 10 minutes. I was very proud of her!
